By Terrence Bendis
Never have I been a fellow who loves the bottle. I never think to go out on the town on my own. It takes a whole team of friends who have to guilt me into getting out of the house. Part of this is because I don't really do so well when I drink. I have a tendency to go above and beyond the call of duty when we party, and the results are dire indeed.
The first time I woke up and couldn't remember most of the previous night, I knew there was a problem. I turn into this different person who has no common sense or care for other's feelings. Of course, I only know this because of the consequences, stories, and pictures I observe the next day.
The first time I woke up and couldn't remember most of the previous night, I knew there was a problem. I turn into this different person who has no common sense or care for other's feelings. Of course, I only know this because of the consequences, stories, and pictures I observe the next day.
On a day to day basis, I'm a pretty reserved guy. I have a dry sense of humor and I make people laugh, but no one would accuse me of being "crazy" or "wild". I don't wear funny t-shirts with snarky slogans I'm a normal guy with a normal job who likes watching normal TV before bed. When I go out drinking, though, it is almost like someone puts a Mr. Hyde formula in my martinis. That's when I get "really fun", as my friends put it.
The warning sign that signals when my evil twin emerges is when my eyes get crooked and float away from each other. I get so drunk, that even my eyes can't stand each other and refuse to cooperate. The worst my behavior (reportedly) ever got was a night when I drank twelve Jagerbombs within the span of two hours.
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact
The warning sign that signals when my evil twin emerges is when my eyes get crooked and float away from each other. I get so drunk, that even my eyes can't stand each other and refuse to cooperate. The worst my behavior (reportedly) ever got was a night when I drank twelve Jagerbombs within the span of two hours.
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact
What happens next is a true account of the worst night of my life. I apparently took the very last shot of tequila and was then politely asked to watch the purse of a female acquaintance while she went to the restroom. Seeing a chance to burn a good friendship to the ground, I immediately staggered into a corner of the bar and urinated into said purse. When the young lady returned, I handed her purse back to her while laughing uncontrollably. The purse itself was pouring urine from it's seems and was obviously beyond salvage. Her boyfriend, who was also a dear and now former friend, became quite upset at my actions. To save him the trouble of forgiving me, I offered to make up for my actions by peeing in his wallet if he was jealous of his girlfriend's purse. This was the exact moment he pushed me into a large gentleman behind me, who then pushed me back into my friend while I laughed hysterically. The bar bouncer came to ask about the commotion, only to find that my penis was still exposed from my previous pee-fits. I'm sure the scratches on my face are from the gravel in the parking lot as I was tossed from the bar.
There is absolutely no helping my condition. I can't drink more to increase my tolerance, because that just means I'll get wasted more often. I don't want to stop drinking at all, but how can I continue when I have no self control. My friends thought it would be funny to buy me a funny t-shirt online that says "Get Me Drunk And Enjoy the Show." I think random people buying me booze at the bar is not really a solution to my problem. I guess we will find out the next time I go.
About the Author:
There is absolutely no helping my condition. I can't drink more to increase my tolerance, because that just means I'll get wasted more often. I don't want to stop drinking at all, but how can I continue when I have no self control. My friends thought it would be funny to buy me a funny t-shirt online that says "Get Me Drunk And Enjoy the Show." I think random people buying me booze at the bar is not really a solution to my problem. I guess we will find out the next time I go.
About the Author:
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