By Jason Mills
I am made aware that I am tragically uncool on a daily basis. All I have to do is go out in public, say to a mall, and watch the throngs of young people walk around in their cool t-shirts and designer haircuts. What is even worse, is that they all seem to look exactly the same to me. It's like I've lost my ability to distinguish one face from another. There's only so many ways you can wear your hair over one of your eyes and be considered "different".
If you had asked my back in 1986 if there would ever be a day when I would look at people younger then me with squinty eyes and wonder why they were doing what they're doing and wearing what they're wearing, I would have laughed right in your face. I was the coolest dude on the planet back then. Why did that statement sound so ridiculous? I feel like I can't even remember being cool.
When does that transition take place, anyway? When do you go from being someone other people refer to as "cool" to the doddering idiot I am now? Does it happen about the same time you open your first savings account? I've heard other people say that it happens when you have kids, but I've never had a kid...so what's the cause of all of this incredible uncoolness that has collected inside me?
I just want to go visit a pharmacist, look him in the eye, and demand a pill that will cure me of my uncoolness. If we can control acne in teenagers and fight cancer with lasers, then we should darn well be able to take out whatever gene is making me think that Hannah Montana is an idiot. Unless she's not considered cool...which I'm really not sure about, to be honest.
If I were to go put on a pair of expensive jeans that don't fit right and pay some kid to go buy me a cool t-shirt with some kind of awesome design on it, I think I would only accomplish the amazing feat o
When does that transition take place, anyway? When do you go from being someone other people refer to as "cool" to the doddering idiot I am now? Does it happen about the same time you open your first savings account? I've heard other people say that it happens when you have kids, but I've never had a kid...so what's the cause of all of this incredible uncoolness that has collected inside me?
I just want to go visit a pharmacist, look him in the eye, and demand a pill that will cure me of my uncoolness. If we can control acne in teenagers and fight cancer with lasers, then we should darn well be able to take out whatever gene is making me think that Hannah Montana is an idiot. Unless she's not considered cool...which I'm really not sure about, to be honest.
If I were to go put on a pair of expensive jeans that don't fit right and pay some kid to go buy me a cool t-shirt with some kind of awesome design on it, I think I would only accomplish the amazing feat o
I just want to go visit a pharmacist, look him in the eye, and demand a pill that will cure me of my uncoolness. If we can control acne in teenagers and fight cancer with lasers, then we should darn well be able to take out whatever gene is making me think that Hannah Montana is an idiot. Unless she's not considered cool...which I'm really not sure about, to be honest.
If I were to go put on a pair of expensive jeans that don't fit right and pay some kid to go buy me a cool t-shirt with some kind of awesome design on it, I think I would only accomplish the amazing feat of looking really dumb. People would be able to tell in a heartbeat that I was just pretending to be cool. Whatever secret method there is to being cool, I've forgotten it long ago...or did the 80's just trick me into thinking I was cool in the first place?
If I were to go put on a pair of expensive jeans that don't fit right and pay some kid to go buy me a cool t-shirt with some kind of awesome design on it, I think I would only accomplish the amazing feat of looking really dumb. People would be able to tell in a heartbeat that I was just pretending to be cool. Whatever secret method there is to being cool, I've forgotten it long ago...or did the 80's just trick me into thinking I was cool in the first place?