By Peter Mills
Has anyone reading this been the subject of a vegetarian attack? It doesn't take place the same way you may expect a traditional attack. There are no guns fired and no punches thrown. No one gets stabbed in one of these vegetarian assaults. No, they just look for the nearest overweight person and scream at them about killing things with faces. These ridiculous, anti-bacon tactics will no longer be tolerated. It's time to put on your bacon t-shirts, gentlemen.
The guilt trip that vegetarians try to lay on us is verging on the ridiculous. Videos are constantly put out that feature the slaughter of poor, innocent animals. Do you know what those animals would do to you if you were put in a pen with them? They would kill you with their animal feet, teeth, and horns until you were dead.
We are the kings of this planet. No other species can begin to compare to what we've accomplished and done through our short history. It was always this way. We had to fight our way to the top. There were some pretty terrible things outside of our caves with huge teeth that wanted to make us into their dinner. It is only fair and right that we can make a dinner out of anything we choose. I'll eat lion if it tastes good just to say that I had.
It doesn't help much that every celebrity you've ever wanted to see in the nude has gotten all riled up about animals being killed for food. Have you seen some of these ads? It's worse than a beer commercial. They use half-naked ladies to make us think that there is a slim chance they'll want to spend some time with you if you just stopped eating bacon. These are all lies! Those women would hate you whether you just ate a BLT or a salad!
Well, I'm not taking this abuse any longer! I'm standing up for my rights as a bacon-loving American this very instant. I'm putting on my bacon t-shirt, and I'm going to use that bacon t-shirt as a badge of ultimate authority against these terrible plant-eaters! I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore! Now...where did I put that bacon?
The guilt trip that vegetarians try to lay on us is verging on the ridiculous. Videos are constantly put out that feature the slaughter of poor, innocent animals. Do you know what those animals would do to you if you were put in a pen with them? They would kill you with their animal feet, teeth, and horns until you were dead.
We are the kings of this planet. No other species can begin to compare to what we've accomplished and done through our short history. It was always this way. We had to fight our way to the top. There were some pretty terrible things outside of our caves with huge teeth that wanted to make us into their dinner. It is only fair and right that we can make a dinner out of anything we choose. I'll eat lion if it tastes good just to say that I had.
It doesn't help much that every celebrity you've ever wanted to see in the nude has gotten all riled up about animals being killed for food. Have you seen some of these ads? It's worse than a beer commercial. They use half-naked ladies to make us think that there is a slim chance they'll want to spend some time with you if you just stopped eating bacon. These are all lies! Those women would hate you whether you just ate a BLT or a salad!
Well, I'm not taking this abuse any longer! I'm standing up for my rights as a bacon-loving American this very instant. I'm putting on my bacon t-shirt, and I'm going to use that bacon t-shirt as a badge of ultimate authority against these terrible plant-eaters! I am mad as hell, and I am not going to take it anymore! Now...where did I put that bacon?