By Alan Bendis
Firstly, we need to get something straight. I am not a drunk. I like to drink, true, but I don't brush my teeth with a bottle of Jack, or anything crazy like that. I do go out at least twice a week to my neighborhood bar and have a few drinks. I'm well known there, and one of my trademarks is that I am always wearing funny t-shirts. The shirt I wore that night in particular was a gem that involved quite a funny joke about Kanye West. It's been forever since I wore it, so I'll refrain from butchering the joke here but, trust me, it was hilarious.
I went to my local bar and met up with my friends for a few scotches and a few beers, with a slight chance for a romantic encounter later. This was a Wednesday, so the bar was lightly populated and mostly with folks I knew. The shirt I was wearing was the newest of my funny t-shirts, so it was a pretty big hit. People laughed and we had a great time together doing what drinking people do. I played some darts, I dropped some bills into the jukebox, and the night wore onward. Good times were had by all.
I went to my local bar and met up with my friends for a few scotches and a few beers, with a slight chance for a romantic encounter later. This was a Wednesday, so the bar was lightly populated and mostly with folks I knew. The shirt I was wearing was the newest of my funny t-shirts, so it was a pretty big hit. People laughed and we had a great time together doing what drinking people do. I played some darts, I dropped some bills into the jukebox, and the night wore onward. Good times were had by all.
My funny t-shirts were always a hit, but this one was getting lots of attention. Maybe because it was so soon after the whole Taylor Swift incident, or maybe people are just sick and tired of Kanye West. Who knows, really. All I know is that I was getting super-drunk and I had passed the point of caring about what funny t-shirts I was wearing or about the massive hangover I was sure to have tomorrow. Beer turned into whiskey and that, in turn, became boilermakers. Do you know how stupid a boilermaker can make you? If you don't know, then good for you. You're winning.
I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.
Sometimes when you get drunk, you get extremely self-centered. The world revolves around you and nothing has the right to say anything snaky, critical, or even sometimes complimentary. I knew that this guy was being a sarcastic jerk, so I turned about to give him a piece of my mind. That was about as far as I got, because the voice belonged to one-half of the two biggest black dudes in all of New York. After speaking to them for a bit after realizing I wasn't about to die, I realized that they were security
I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.
Sometimes when you get drunk, you get extremely self-centered. The world revolves around you and nothing has the right to say anything snaky, critical, or even sometimes complimentary. I knew that this guy was being a sarcastic jerk, so I turned about to give him a piece of my mind. That was about as far as I got, because the voice belonged to one-half of the two biggest black dudes in all of New York. After speaking to them for a bit after realizing I wasn't about to die, I realized that they were security
I admit that much of the night was a blur of lost memory at that point. One of my friends tapped out and went home, but my other buddy is between jobs and an awful influence, so he convinced me to say. I'm sure I said something repulsive to the girls we were with, because I certainly didn't wake up next to any of them. When the bar closed, my friend and I both knew we needed some food...badly. We jumped in a cab, headed to the local diner, and walked right in. I had no longer made my way to a stool at the counter when I heard a very deep voice behind me say, "That shirt supposed to be a joke, man?" It took me a minute to realize they were talking about my funny t-shirts.
Sometimes when you get drunk, you get extremely self-centered. The world revolves around you and nothing has the right to say anything snaky, critical, or even sometimes complimentary. I knew that this guy was being a sarcastic jerk, so I turned about to give him a piece of my mind. That was about as far as I got, because the voice belonged to one-half of the two biggest black dudes in all of New York. After speaking to them for a bit after realizing I wasn't about to die, I realized that they were security for Jay-Z and that they LOVED my awesome pick of funny t-shirts...which happened to be about Kanye West, if you'll remember.
Luckily, neither one of them liked him very much. The whole situation could have gone much different. They both laughed at me until tears were in their eyes when I asked them never to tell Kanye about it in all of the seriousness a drunk man can summon. I learned that night to choose my funny t-shirts a bit more carefully. You never know if you're going to run into Kanye Westor giant security guys who know him.
About the Author:
Sometimes when you get drunk, you get extremely self-centered. The world revolves around you and nothing has the right to say anything snaky, critical, or even sometimes complimentary. I knew that this guy was being a sarcastic jerk, so I turned about to give him a piece of my mind. That was about as far as I got, because the voice belonged to one-half of the two biggest black dudes in all of New York. After speaking to them for a bit after realizing I wasn't about to die, I realized that they were security for Jay-Z and that they LOVED my awesome pick of funny t-shirts...which happened to be about Kanye West, if you'll remember.
Luckily, neither one of them liked him very much. The whole situation could have gone much different. They both laughed at me until tears were in their eyes when I asked them never to tell Kanye about it in all of the seriousness a drunk man can summon. I learned that night to choose my funny t-shirts a bit more carefully. You never know if you're going to run into Kanye Westor giant security guys who know him.
About the Author:
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